One of the hardest things for me about my mom’s disease is that there are so many things I want to tell her but can’t. She is unable to process information and wouldn’t remember what I said anyway. Things that, before Alzheimer’s ravaged her brain, she would be so excited to hear about. I have wonderful friends that I share and process stuff with, but there is something about being able to share good news with your mom…. that’s what I’m really missing right now. Here are the three things I would tell her today if I could:
1. I wrote a book! A memoir. Something that’s been on my bucket list for a while now. When I was packing to move a couple years ago, I came across an old journal I had kept, which documented my friendship with a wonderful man from Africa. And even though it was written almost 40 years ago, it was so good to read and re-live that part of my life. It brought back such wonderful memories. And to know that all these years later, I still value the things written about in the book, was a good reminder: Cross cultural ministry can be hard. Long distance relationships take a lot of work. The importance of spiritual/pastoral covering. The commitment to walking through the difficult things in relationships. I will probably only sell 4 copies, but my kids will have a piece of my past. Shameless promotion: it’s available on Amazon, and 100% of the proceeds to go The Joshua and Caleb Leadership Center, serving at-risk youth in Cleveland.
2. My dad had an award named after him! While teaching at The University of Florida my dad designed a teaching sculpture. Public art, that was erected in front of the Engineering building at UF. It consisted of beams and angles, and he could take students outside to see it, and explain the things he was teaching about, by looking at the practical application on the sculpture. It was also a place I documented my kid’s growth, as they took a picture with gramps there every year. That sculpture has now been replicated on over 300 campuses around the globe. And because of his passion for teaching and art, he gave the plans away to any university who wanted them, without taking a dime. The Metal Building Manufacturers Association recently created a new award for someone outstanding in research, to be given at their annual convention. They honored my dad by naming this new award after him and used his sculpture in the design of the award. It lights up and is a laser-etched rendering of his sculpture, and it is stunning! Dad would have been thrilled! Mom too.
3. I had a necklace made from my parents’ wedding rings! Mom gave them to me a few years ago. I knew I wouldn’t wear her rings but loved having them. Then I decided to have them melted down and re-worked into a pendant I could wear. The outside ring is my dad’s actual ring, and the inside heart is my moms, with her diamond. I love how it resembles my dad’s love circling around her. I absolutely love it and get so many compliments when I wear it; it’s as though I’m wearing their love close to my heart. Mom would love it too, but she doesn’t remember my dads name, or that she was even married. She doesn’t remember my name either. She knows I’m her daughter, just not my name.
Mom and I used to talk by phone almost daily. If you know her, you know she is a big talker, so I would usually call on my 20 minute ride home from work. The conversation was rarely significant or important- just sharing the stuff of the day; how my kids were, what she was making for dinner. I think it’s easy to take for granted that someone will always be there for us for those mundane calls. Interestingly enough, I don’t miss the smaller conversations as much as the big ones. For example, today is Father’s Day. Man, I miss my dad. But mom and I would talk about the fact that my dad thought holidays like this were made up by the greeting card industry, just to sell cards. And we would laugh because he was probably right. For that same reason he would wait till the day after Valentine’s Day to buy candy for mom as it was 50% off at CVS, and why pay full price. I remember getting the call that I was matched with a baby from China, so many years ago, and way before cell phones existed. It was in the morning, and I didn’t want to wait till that evening to tell my parents, so I called my mom at the university, and they pulled her out of a meeting so I could tell her she was finally going to be a grandmother. And then they had a grandma shower for her! The call when I bought my first home, and the one where I made straight A’s my first semester of grad school when I was a full-time student while working full time. When I was delayed in Madagascar with my son’s adoption, as the embassy there wasn’t receiving the needed paperwork form the embassy here; I called mom crying (and again, this was before cell phones, and it cost $7 per minute for the call). When I was unexpectedly hospitalized; and when you’re sick, don’t you just want to talk to your mom?? Many, many conversations over the years; the big ones and the mundane ones. So even though I can’t share with mom about a book, an award and a necklace, I celebrate them anyway, because I know she would be tickled pink with all three of them if she could!
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