My moms’ becoming a thief – a petty thief, but a thief none-the-less. If anything in our house goes missing, it can usually be found in her room. Not in an obvious place in her room, but it’s always there. What happened to the half-eaten muffin that was on the counter? Found! In the back of her underwear drawer, crumbly, not in a bag or on a plate, just in the underwear. Or the scissors from the kitchen. They were found in her jewelry box. There is no jewelry in the jewelry box – that is kept tangled up in a baggie in her sock drawer. Why? Because that’s Alzheimer’s. None of it makes sense.
I was desperate to get out the door to work one Monday, I needed to be at a meeting by 8. While getting ready, I couldn’t find my glasses. Now, I’m blind without my glasses, so they are always either on my face, or on my night stand when I’m sleeping. On this particular morning I was tearing the house apart looking for them. Under the couch, everywhere. Then it dawned on me – I bet they’re in mom’s room, and they were. So I made the mistake of asking her why she took my glasses, and of course she said “I did not put them there! (on her dresser)” And there’s no point arguing, because Alzheimer’s stole her mind. That doesn’t mean I don’t argue with her though. Regularly. Which is stupid, because you will never win an argument with a person who has Alzheimer’s. Not ever. And if I could just get that through my thick skull, my life would be easier. Why do I argue? Is it because I like being right more than I like having peace in my home, cause that’s really the choice here. So when she gets up and night and says “Tell the people on the ceiling to quit waving at me, I’m trying to sleep!” and I say “There’s no one waving at you, go back to bed.” I’ve just invited an argument that I have no chance of winning. If I would simply say “Ok mom, I’ll tell them,” she would go back to bed and that would be the end of it. Apparently I’m a slow learner. Anyhow, it’s hard for me to understand what going on in her mind that makes her think “Hmmm, I’m going to go to Julia’s room while she is sleeping and steal her eye glasses.” I seriously don’t get it.
For mom, Alzheimer’s has stolen her mind and her personhood. I can’t even imagine how horrible that must be for her. But without actually having the disease, Alzheimer’s has also stolen from me. It has robbed me of much of the peace and joy in my home. It’s robbed me of a bit of my sanity. And spontaneity. But it hasn’t robbed me of love. As hard as this is, I still love my mom more than ever, and any sacrifice or frustration on my part pales in comparison to what she is walking through. But my mom, and the disease, they are definitely still thieves!
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